Epiphanies

Too many times God will give us an order or we will pray to him and he will answer our prayer and we don't want to believe that, That's the answer, or we don't like the order and so we try to convince ourselves that that was just a coincidence and that it couldn't have been God saying that, or confirming that when in all actuality...if you really look at the signs, that's exactly what it is!!

The devil has had such a stronghold on me when it comes to addictions:

Addicted to self hate

Addicted to low self esteem

Addicted to my pain and past

Addicted to people pleasing...

Addicted to minimizing myself, my talents, gifts and mind...for the comfort of others...

Addicted to toxic people, and environments...

Addicted to looking for love in all the wrong places...

Addicted to "buying" friendship or "setteling"...

Addicted to eating my feelings away...

Addicted to loving....

Addicted to be loved...

Addicted to fear, doubt, shame, guilt...

Addicted to incorrect and damaging thought processes...

Addicted to

Meth

Crack

Coke

Molly

Ecstasy

Weed

Vapes

Ect

This whole year I have been praying for God to allow the Marijuana and vapes to make me so sick and nauseous that I'd quit smoking. (But I dident quit and find it hard to because of the lie the enemy tells me that it's helping my anxiety and depression, that it's medecine)

I literally prayed for God to make me sick so I can remove this addiction...

This last 3/4 months I have been sick as a dog and not understanding why, and then trying to forget or minimize what I asked God to do for me, convincing myself it was a coincidence, or the flue....

I'm sitting in my car I say man I'm so tired of feeling sick every morning....

In the softest voice I heard....

You asked

I gave

Now your trying to convince yourself it's not me and a coincidence because it's not the answer you thought I'd give you...

You want total freedom?

Give me your total surrenderance.

Needless to say I'm in my bathroom crying tears of sorrow and joy and repenting for not being awake to the fact that it was God answering my prayer and giving me what I ultimately said I wanted.